After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
