Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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