i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want nice things and good sex
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize