how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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