marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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