Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize