Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
