All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
