i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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