He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
