My first STD was from a foam party
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
