Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize