3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
