the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
