your parents love me but you hate me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My bed smells like the plague
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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