Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
