I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
