I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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