i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
