I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
