This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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