And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
