If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
