I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
