dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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