Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
