i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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