So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
