I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
