Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
