shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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