I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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