genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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