so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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