you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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