May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
