I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He better not be in your backpack
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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