My friends, they love my intelligence
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
