I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
