You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As shirtless as possible
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
