you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
