She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
