this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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