As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am available for nakedness
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
