When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
