I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
