we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize