Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
