remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
