i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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