I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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