Even the bartender felt bad for me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
