a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
