Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
