still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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