Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then my night got REAL pukey
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
