You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
only you would photoshop your dick
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
