Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
