His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
