Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
