Barsexuality is the new black.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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