Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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