He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize