While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
