Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Everything about him screamed your future.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
