Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
