i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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