Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
