she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
