i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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