i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
