I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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