Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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