I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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