sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
