why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
