If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
