The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
