I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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