woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
