Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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