Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
