What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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